Damn that Vanilla Ice, 51st Wedding Anniversary, More Death Stuff, Lost on the Backroads, Haunted by my Past, and World Domination at the Tobacconist

Hi there! I think the title of this post basically sums up my day... But still, I will elucidate.

Elucidate, not hallucinate. But I can always hope!

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I suddenly was inflicted with a flashback to Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" running through my mind. Why, oh why is that song still taking up space in my gray matter, and why did it suddenly decide to invade my consciousness while showering??

If there is a problem, yo, I'll solve it - Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it!

*sigh*

Well, today would have been my parent's 51st wedding anniversary. As far as mother is concerned, it still is. She said she will always be married to father - They truly loved each other and had a wonderful marriage throughout the years. It's so rare to see such love these days. Overall, she handled the day very well.

Today is also the birthday of a dear lady friend of mine who just lost her husband earlier this month. Her health is so bad, I always assumed she would go before him. I called her and she sounded very weak. I hope to see her soon, hopefully to help her in some way.

But enough about death. I don't want this to become known as "The Slacker Morgue!"

Later in the day, I tried to go to another friend's house, and somewhere along the way I realized that I had forgotten where he lived - I hadn't been there since 1999! The backroads were deadly - VERY hilly, curvy, and narrow and large, wide trucks fly through them. Even Xanax couldn't calm me down! But I did manage to find a lot of obscure shortcuts to various places in town along the way.

And then I stumbled across a place I haven't been to in years and years. Without going too much into my sordid past, it was a place where a... *coughhighschoolteachercough* and I would go to... "talk." And yes, that is a euphemism. One of many influences that have resulted in my attraction to only older women.

And a situation that I am often reminded of whenever I hear in the news about female teachers getting caught with male students. Probably yet another cause of stress and depression in my life...

But I digress!

It was ssssoooo very strange to be back there again - I had forgotten where the spot was located. And boy, did the flashbacks ever hit hard!

And yet, it also made me realize the passage of time. When we were there together in the mid to late 80's, it was a barren cul-de-sac. Now it is surrounded by houses and duplexes - Completely built up. And so it goes...

But to end this post on a more humorous moment... Today, while visiting the tobacconist shop, there was a curious women in her early 60's waiting ahead of me. She was a bit attractive but looked rather frustrated. She was nice enough to me at first, told me to go in front of her, but then suddenly she started to complain about the increase in sales tax for cigarettes. As she spoke, I could hear the anger in her voice build. She finally said the entire government needs to be completely torn down and destroyed.

In the middle of her building tirade, she became ticked off at the people stopping at the drive-by window to purchase their cigarettes. She said they were lazy and if she had her way, she would demand them to come inside the shop.

Suddenly, she looked me up and down and gazed at me - I got the feeling she was trying to read my response to her comments. I smiled and winked at her (yeah, I can be a flirt at times!), and she smiled back and said we really needed a dictator to set things right. I decided at that point that it would probably be best to remain silent and just continue to smile.

As soon as I got my carton of Kools (probably my last cigarette purchase since I plan to quit by the end of the month), I wished her the best and she smiled back, saying that she should be the one in charge of the country, and then she wished me a good day.

I felt better after that incident. I suddenly realized that I'm not nearly as high-strung as I thought I was!

Well... I think I've given you a decent snapshot of my day. Try not to be too jealous of me...

Word to your mother,
Drake

Without You

Sunrays raining down on me
Givin' sweat to hide my tears.
Hidden, muted melodies
Lost behind the years
That I had without you.

Heat risin' from the streets
No sweet breeze comes my way.
Summer won't be my friend
It's loneliness everyday
That I have without you.

And I don't care if the gardens grow,
For no seeds I will sow.
Like you, the flowers will only die in the end.

And I don't want to carry on,
But still I will move along.
And wait for my winter to take me to you, my friend.

And no drink will end these dreams
Still I have one with a cigarette.
No blue sky behind those clouds
Only disappointment and the regret
That I live without you.

And still I live without you.

2005: The Year of Death

Hello again, everyone!

As you can probably tell from the title, this hasn't exactly been a very good year, at least from my point of view. But this isn't one of my "pity me" posts - Just a therapeutic outlet for some of the thoughts going through my mind. (Where else would thoughts go through? The gutter?)

So please, bear with me... Or bare with me, if you are a nudist.

My father died at on January 4th this year, three days after my birthday, and that horrible event has apparently set the tone for the entire year. It seems like every other week at work we get an email about someone else who has either lost a parent or a spouse, so I know I am definitely not alone in my grief. The number of co-workers to lose a loved-one this year is quite high, even for the moderate size college where I work.

Then a friend of mine lost her father suddenly to a heart attack in February. And a lady friend of mine lost her husband earlier this month.

And then I found out yesterday someone I've occassionally chatted with online died within the past week. Surprisingly, even though I wasn't a very close friend to this online chatter, his death really shook me up. I think it is mostly because he always included his age in his chatting alias like I do, so I saw the number increase year after year. He was only 29.

I don't consider myself superstitious (Shut up about my UFO links), but it seems like death is penetrating my life little by little every week. I know it's completely psychological, but it's still unnerving. I think I've been relatively lucky throughout my short life (I still consider 34 very young, thank you!) that now that death (a natural event that is, sadly, a part of life) is happening closer to home, I am much more aware of it. Plus, I know we are all marching closer to death at different rates - I could live another 40 years or die before I publish this post. So it's easy to allow myself to dwell on death.

I don't fear death as much as I do dying. Actually, I don't fear dying so much as I do pain! Yes, I am a wimp, but at least I'm honest about it.

So right now, I'm trying to keep my sense of humor, trying not to allow myself to go to that "dark place" where suicidal thoughts reside, and plan to spit in the eye of Death for another day.

I'll end this post with a quote from Mike, a character in one of my favorite British comedies, "The Young Ones": 'Suicide may be a great hobby, but I wouldn't do it for a living.'

Stay safe and alive!
Drake

Hangover

Ow.

Hedonistic Pleasures, A Shortening Lifespan, and Other Crap

Ah, an enjoyable evening, even if I took a few years of my life (Funny how that often happens).

I tried a variety of brands of cigarettes now. Tonight I tried Kool Milds and Pall Mall Milds. Well, if the Pall Mall Milds are mild, I HATE to try the full flavor ones - Sheesh!! Snorting asbestos would probably be healthier. The Kools, however, scare me - Because they are actually delicious and enjoyable.

So far, cigarettes were only an experiment and didn't make much of an impression on me, but the Kools are actually sort of addictive. Who would have guessed cigarettes could be habit forming? It's not like we haven't been warned an infinite amount of times!

And then I learned something new today. Menthol cigarettes (like Kools) cause crystalization on the interior of the lungs - Great for lung cancer! (Giggles!) Oops... Oh well, live and learn... And die.

I heard that each cigarette takes about 7 minutes off of one's life. But I'm not really too worried about that - Driving in this town takes about 2.5 decades off of one's life! Why is everyone is such a damn hurry??

Kind of a side note... The woman I bought the Pall Malls from was a student I went to high school with. I mentioned that we went to high school together, and she said "yeah," and went on about her business. For some reason, that kind of annoyed me. Don't get me wrong - I didn't expect an open-armed hug and an emotional reunion, but I thought there would be more than a "yeah" response. We haven't seen each other in 16 years - The "yeah" response was more like a 4 day absence, not a 16 year one.

And suddenly, I was transported to my elementary, middle, and high school days. And then I realized that having my teeth slowly broken out with a bottle opener would have been much more enjoyable than to relive those days. Memories...

Enough of that...

So, I had a "bartender's Dr. Pepper," which a rich beer (in my case, an amber Dos Equis) mixed with an amaretto liqueur. It tastes a little like a flat Dr. Pepper but with a HUGE kick to it. I've had it before, but this was the first time I had it while on Buspar and a diabetic medication. Oops again! Live and learn... And die some more. Oh well...

So I sat outside, drinking and smoking away, listening to "Weird Al" Yankovic tunes, the neighbor's cat falling asleep in my lap, while I watch the stars slowly moving across the sky, while the chemical concoction churns away in my stomach, liver, and brain. Quite peaceful and enjoyable actually. And probably a little more than unhealthy.

So... Now, I'm blogging away aimlessly while trying to figure out how I am going to get up in time to see a car show with a friend of mine in a few hours. Actually, I don't want to go. I like 50's cars, but only when they are like showroom cars of the 1950's, not these tacky, suped up hotrods with flames painted on the sides.

But this dear friend of mine really wants me to go, so I will still consider it. Her cousin that is interested in me will be there, but HE really is not my type. Don't get me wrong - I'm not homophobic. But still...

At any rate, my ego and self-esteem are so bruised that I feel better knowing that someone, ANYONE, could be interested in me. But then, I usually attract four types of people: alcoholic women, married women, married alcoholic women, and men. And people wonder why I am always alone...

Well, I've rambled enough for tonight, I suppose. One last bit of disappointing news... The only "college club" in my area has shut down. I've only been there once for lunch and was hoping to go there on a weekend night to find the more "artistic" types, but alas, it is not to be. I guess I need to move to a bigger city. I've really out grown small town living.

I guess I will finish my booze, give up on going to the car show in the morning, and continue to search for either UFO reports or granny porn. (Dear God... Did I just type that out loud??)

Ciao for now, stay safe, have fun, and remember to floss,
Drake

I love you.

Why don't you love me?

Well, I crashed after nearly 46 hours of no sleep. And when the crash came, it came quickly and hard! Luckily, I didn't hit a suicidal low that often follows a hypomanic state, but my energy level is decimated. Missed work yesterday and today - I have no idea how I have kept my job so long! I REALLY hate not being reliable at work - I REALLY hate feeling the way I do. But... I'm not going to solve it by whining about it here.

Lots of strange dreams again, now that I'm able to sleep again. I noticed that most of my dreams lately involve significant crowds of people. Usually, I am in solitude in my dreams, or only have a small cast of dream characters with me. Now, it seems that I have dozens upon dozens of extras following me around or surrounding me in my dreams. I'm not too keen on dream analysis, so I don't know if this meanings anything or not. I just prefer more sparsely populated dream worlds.

Still practicing guitar. I'm trying to evolve away a bit from The Ramones' power chord songs to more serene and delicate songs like "April Come She Will" by Simon and Garfunkel. I still have a looong way to go, but I have no deadline (except the FINAL deadline of life) to learn it, so I'm just going at my own pace. Still hope to be able to create at least one decent, important, and meaningful CD of music in my life. Just need to keep at it...

I am still considering a Slacker Shack forum, but I want to be sure I do it right the first time, so I'm still shopping around for free hosted forums that look decent (and safe) enough to explore. I will still keep my blog for news, ideas, and journal entries even if I do create a forum for more interactivity.

Well. I have nothing more to say right now. So there.

Stay safe!
Drake

Doo-Da-Doo Doo-Da-Doo-Da

I'm stinging from the pain,
Still stinging from the pain.
What a horrible feeling,
I'm crying again.

I'm cursing at crowds,
So rude when they shove.
Beating bums at Wal-Mart,
And I'm not wearing a glove...

38.5 hours without any sleep. Why can't I sleep? 38.5 hours without any sleep. Why can't I SLEEP?? 38.5 hours without any sleep. WHY?!?!!

Screw aging! After all, aging screws us! (And some other gibberish...)

Hi there! It's nearly 4am, and I'm in the middle of a rare hypomanic state - Quite pleasant actually! Took my Xanax, no caffeine, and my mind is still buzzing away. Since I normally get up at 6am for work, I have a strong feeling that I'm not going to bed tonight! How's that for anarchy?!

Getting back to the title of my post... I read an article on MSN today about Beck (one of my favorite songwriter/musicians) and Shirley Manson (lead singer of Garbage, another one of my favorite bands). While the reviews of their latest works were good, the author made a issue about how Beck was in his mid-30's and how Manson was pushing 40.

So friggin' what?! Is there a certain age when music artists must hang up their guitars? I don't give a damn if they are in their 80's. If they rock, they rock - Period!

And since when was 30's and 40's "old?" Maybe I'm prejudice because I'm 34 myself, but I'm sick of the youth-only-oriented culture. Don't get me wrong - I support and encourage preteens and pre-20 somethings to pursue their artistic interests. I can adapt with the times. But I still don't think there should be a retirement age for musicians, regardless of their genre. I would prefer listening to a 60 year old punk than to a 24 year old pretty boy. (Are you listening, Justin Timberlake?)

And I'll be damned if I fit into someone else's mold of how I should look and act at my age. I feel more like a twenty-something now at 34 than I did when I was actually twenty-something. Of course, I was so drugged up with anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications while I was in my 20's that I do feel like I missed a few years of my life.

So I'm a "late-bloomer." So what? Maybe it's pathetic that I feel like "raging against the machine" and developing a serious disdain for the corporate and conventional world now at my age - But then, maybe it was pathetic that I supported the establishment so much when I was in my 20's.

Of course, add the fact that I date significantly older women to the mix and you get a severe generational screw-up on your hands. My MP3 playlist often goes from Tony Bennett to The Sex Pistols to The Beatles to Glenn Miller to The Cars.

If I should live long enough, I might join the indie music scene when I hit 40. And if I get slammed because of my age, so be it - I can slam others too!

Crap... I think I have poison ivy on the pinkie of my right hand. Must have been from petting the neighbor's cat.

Um... What was I talking about? Nevermind, doesn't matter... About another 90 minutes or so, I will have been up for 24 hours.

Oh... For those who managed to last through my rambling... What is your opinion about me creating a forum for poets, writers, and musicians - primarily to promote either long distant collaboration or to help people find like-minded artists in their area? I don't know what I should use to host the forum, and I know how forums tend to get trashed by script-kiddies, but I would like to create something a bit more interactive. Or better yet, if you know of a forum like this already out there, please let me know. I not an egotist - I don't mind if someone else does all the work! :)

Being a blog, The Slacker Shack tends to be a little too one-sided, with me doing most of the typing. While I enjoy my self-indulgent, semi-coherent rants, I do like interaction. Just thought I would throw that idea out into the ethers...

Ciao for now,
Drake

Diabetes, Anxiety, Cigarettes, Depression, and Pornography

Well, the doctor says I am as close to being diabetic as one can be without being fully diabetic. So I have to pretend that I am diabetic to stave off getting the full-blown disease.

Which means I probably shouldn't be eating this box of Russell Stover French Chocolate Mints. Oh well... I am now on a medication (up to 8 different pills now!) called "Glucophage XR." It was one of the medications my father was on. Nice to know my family is still helping to keep this pharmaceutical's stock up. At any rate, less alcohol and sweets and more exercising and salads in my future. Yes, I am laughing too...

I am also now on a generic form of Buspar (Buspirone), which is supposed to help with anxiety. It takes a while for it to build up in my system, so I am still taking Xanax. Together, they are knocking me off my ass - And I like it!!

As for cigarettes, for the smokers out there... What is your favorite brand and why? I am still looking to experiment with other brands. I have tried:

Doral Menthol Lights
(Okay to start out with, but I am not too fond of the aftertaste.)

Camel Lights
(I smoke these now - Sometimes they taste better than other times. Sometimes there is a very burnt-paper taste to them.)

Marlboro Lights
(I only tried two of these and they seemed pretty good.)

Winston
(I was pretty wasted when I tried these, so I cannot remember what they were like.)

Unify
(A pack of Unify is approximately 50 cents - Enough said? I couldn't even feel the smoke, much less taste it. I think these would be good for prop cigarettes for non-smoking actors in a play.)

And yes, to all you non-smoking, health-conscious intellectuals, I know smoking light cigarettes are no more safer than drinking a Diet Coke while eating a Big Mac will help one to lose weight. There - I beat you to it. Ha!

Now on to depression...
I had a sudden urge last night to write down various "flavors" of depression as I see them (And yes, many do overlap):

1. Self-Destructive: Rather obvious description. Either directly suicidal tendencies or just not taking very good care of one's self because of depression.

2. Withdrawing: The kind of depression I am in right now. Avoiding friends, co-workers, family. Sometimes even attempt to put a strain in a friendship in order to push him/her away. Solitude.

3. Showy: Hey, look everyone! I'm depressed! See how miserable I am?

4. Moping: Similiar to Withdrawing, but generally opposite to Showy. Lack of energy to really do much of anything else.

5. Self-Perpetuating: When depressed, why not listen to Pink Floyd's "The Wall," or maybe watch "Requiem for a Dream" over and over again?

6. Cerebral/Philosophical/Existential: I am a prisoner of life, and we are all on death row.

7. Nostalgic: Ah, the good old days. I wish I could go back to those wonderful days of yesteryear. Ironic how I have forgotten how I tried to commit suicide back then too.

8. Rebellous: Depression often confused as anger. (Some say depression is only anger turn inward. Of course, some would say that, wouldn't they?) Gee, why is quiet, sweet Johnny smoking, getting tattoos, and showing up to work reeking of Early Times?

9. Artistic/Creative: Why suffer personally when your fictional characters can do it for you? Besides, you can always kill yourself later and get a literary class designed after you (Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, etc.)

10. Mourning: Generally considered a normal form of depression. Loss of a loved-one, loss of a dream. My main brand of depression of 2005, so far.

11. Chemical-Imbalance: When the brain decides how you are going to feel, whether you like it or not. Work is great, family life is great, financially things are great, but an unending urge to jump from the 23rd floor of the Plaza Royale Hotel keeps taking center stage in your brain for some reason. I often suffer this depression too, minus the great job, great family life, and great finances.

12. Self-Disappointment: It's no one's fault but your own. You cannot live up to your own goals and dreams. If you could, you don't know how. Or other forms of depression keep throwing obstacles in your way.

Please, feel free to add your own flavors of depression to the list. Maybe we can send an email chain-letter around to counteract all of those happy, life-is-great ones our friends, family, and co-workers bombard us with.

As for pornography...

I just added that to the title to get more readers. Psyche!

Selma Diamond (August 5, 1920 - May 13, 1985)

This is going to be one of the more revealing, personal posts that I, Drake, will probably ever post.

I have had several Xanax tonight, plus several cups of "Poison" - an 80 proof wildberry brandy. On top of that, I chain-smoked nearly a pack of Camel Lights. I'm a bit "messed up" tonight, but I think I can post somewhat coherently, if very slowly. Time is compressed tonight - Minutes feel like seconds.

This is a rather personal post, probably very stream-of-consciousness.

I've just come back in from outside from listening to several songs (with personal meanings to me) on my Rio MP3 player. I'm barely conscious at the moment - Hard to focus my eyes.

20 years ago today, an actress, Selma Diamond, died of lung cancer. She is probably best known as "Selma Hacker" on the sitcom "Night Court."


Selma Diamond as "Selma Hacker"
on NBC's "Night Court"

To make an extremely long story short, I had a terrible crush on her. In fact, I became infatuated with her just days before her death. I had no idea how ill she was.

It's all very hard to explain, even when I'm entirely sober. As I have strongly hinted in the past, I've been very attracted to older women.

I will warn you now, this is a very self-indulgent post. Plus, with the chemical "enhancements" tonight, my confession to the blog-world will probably be very confusing. Feel free to ignore this post and know that I am doing it for my own peace of mind.

I just came back from outside, listening to music, watching the world become a series of silhouettes - Black leaves and trees against a white, overcast sky. The world is very black and white to me visually, even if my emotions are several layers of gray.

To make a long story short, I became greatly infatuated with the 64 year old actress days before her death. I still have the video recording of the episode of "Night Court" from 1985, that honors her just days after her death.

I made a pact to myself to commit suicide on the one year anniversary of her death (May 13, 1986), but obviously I chickened out. Ironically, I began a 3+ year affair with a high school teacher on the 13th month of her death (June 13th, 1986). The teacher was 28 years older than I. This is a long story, worthy of a series of posts on its own.

At any rate, I remember hearing of Selma's death back on May 13th, 1985 (Some sources, however, date her death May 14th). Once I heard she died of lung cancer from smoking, after school (I was in the 8th grade) I immediately ripped out all cigarette advertisements from the "TV Guide." I was so disgusted, so disappointed with the news of her death. I swore then that I would never smoke.

Fast forward 20 years, and I'm now smoking with the best of them. I think if she were still alive, she would have continued to smoke. Some people make decisions on how to live their lives, consquences be damned. And I tend to respect that attitude.

So in short, if no one else in the entire world remembers Selma or the date of her death, I still do.

Drake

May-December Relationships

Yay! A bonus post!

I added a link for May-December Relationships. It's for a website called "Ageless Love," and it is for both older women/younger men and older men/younger women. It's worth checking out if you are interested in such a relationship.

And I agree with Diana (in a previous comment) regarding this subject. I could never imagine being with a woman even close to my age.

But that's another post. Not really in the mood to discuss relationships tonight. I just wanted to point out that May-December support site.

Peace,
Drake

What the hell am I doing??

Howdy.

Well, while in the process of reducing my Xanax, I've become a smoker!! How did THAT happen?

Luckily, it's more of a nervous habit as opposed to an addiction - At least, it is so far. While I CRAVE Xanax, I only use cigarettes when I'm either bored or feeling restless. I really don't desire them after the first two initial puffs. Most of the time, I can taste the burning paper - Not exactly delicious. But still...

Of course, the people and students at work (I work at a community college) treat me like a leper now. I kinda like that! I am a dichotomy - I am a "people pleaser" that occasionally likes to tick people off. Not really out to offend anyone, but I do find it funny when people suddenly become so indignant. It seems to be a mechanism that makes them suddenly feel superior, even if in only a temporary, superficial way, and they aren't even aware of it.

And of course, my irreverent attitude only makes it worse:

Person: Those things will kill you.
Me: You promise?? (Or: Damn! You mean I won't live forever now?)

Person: I've heard each cigarette takes 7 minutes off of your life?
Me: How many times does 7 minutes go into 4 decades?

Person: Do you smoke? (While I am smoking a cigarette in front of them.)
Me: No. The cigarette smokes while it burns; I just inhale it.

Person: Why are you smoking?
Me: Because heroin is illegal.

Person: Are you aware that smoking will shorten your life?
Me: Are you aware that nagging me about my smoking will shorten yours too?

And so on...

But really, I think this is just a passing thing. So far, I crave ice cream more than I do nicotine. In fact, I don't even feel like nicotine is doing anything to me. Maybe the Lexapro interferes with it like Wellbutrin does.

So that is my "sin" of the moment.

As for work... I hate that place, I hate the politics involved, I hate they way they crush people's motivation and incentive to work harder and better, and I would love to... Nevermind. I don't want to get Homeland Security paranoid.

Well, back to ingesting a cancer-causing product while listening to music on my Rio while watching the stars behind an overcast sky. Saw a few "shooting stars" last night - Beautiful!

Ciao for now!
Drake :)

Nervous Breakdowns, Existential Voids, and Other Vacation Packages

Hello again! And a special "hello" to all the friendly people who left comments - I plan to thank you individually when I'm more awake (ie. less Xanaxed for "nite-nite").

I just felt a little explanation was due regarding my minor momentary mental meltdowns. (Someday I might also explain the all in all illogical allure of alliteration.)

Obviously, it is normal to be extremely depressed and emotionally down when you lose someone you love. In my case, my father died earlier this year. I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent or a close loved-one, so I don't think the world is being unfair only to me.

Plus, statistically I should have had a happy life: My parents had a wonderful, loving marriage for 50 years, no drug and alcohol abuse in my family (well... At least not so far *cough, cough*), modest yet adequate living conditions throughout my life, great relationship with both my brother and sister, etc. Even with a couple "sensitive episodes" in my younger life (Hint: There's a reason why I only date much older women), I should not have reoccurring episodes of suicidal depression. At least, it would appear that way on paper.

However, my natural brain chemistry decided early on to play "little jokes" on me:

Neuron A: "Hey, let's withhold some serotonin from him today! I bet that'll make him cry! Ha ha!"

Neuron B: "Cool! While we're at it, let's hide all his happy memories and replace them with an overpowering urge to walk in front of a speeding bus!"

You get the picture...

I know there are people who have suffered and who are suffering MUCH, MUCH more than I have and hopefully ever will, but still my mind's emotional threshold and stability still affects me in many, not-so-heathly ways nonetheless. I don't blame society, my circumstances, or my parents for my emotional ills - Just my parents' genes! (Emotional/mental illness runs in both sides of the family - Even my brother and sister and my sister's children show signs.)

So please forgive me if it ever appears that I am excessively whining. Don't get me wrong - I probably AM excessively whining! I just apologize that it appears that way. :)

So, I combat my emotional turmoil with as much humor as I can muster (somedays that's nearly an impossible task), with proper medication and exercise (when I'm in "good boy mode"), or with slow-suicidal behaviors, such as increased drinking and restarting smoking (which luckily I can instantly quit both whenever I choose - Xanax, on the other hand... *cough, cough*), binge eating, and/or excessive sleeping when my "bad boy mode" takes dominance.

And now blogging has been added to the list of diversions, which is rather cool since I can do it regardless of which "mode" I'm in. That should help to keep my posts varied! :)

Well, just thought I would give you a little more insight into your pal Drake's noggin...

Thanks again for the comments! I will reply back tomorrow when I can keep everyone's blogger names straight in my mind.

But in the meantime, I offer you this gift of optical illusions I discovered today. Just don't get a migraine!

Best of wishes to all!
Drake

Interesting...

When I started blogging about a week ago or so, I thought this blog would get most of the attention and that my experimental fictional blog, Drifting Stars, would mostly be ignored. Well, according to BlogExplosion, Drifting Stars seems to be getting much more attention! Not complaining, of course... Just mostly curious as to why. I've never been good at predicting human behavior...

Speaking of which... For those who have seen the movie "Office Space," you'll appreciate this. I missed 5 (yes, FIVE) consecutive days of work last week because of a mini-nervous breakdown - sadly, one of many in my life. When I returned to work last Thursday, I had wondered if I would still have a job. Well... Today, they are considering PROMOTING me!! It's only in the discussion stage, it probably won't even happen. But still... Jeez!!

I repeat - I've NEVER been good at predicting human behavior!

Well, back to practicing the guitar and surfing BlogExplosion. I will need to go back to the dozens of blogs I've "blockmarked" to explore them further. Lots of interesting people and things out there!

Take care, Drake

The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse

The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse

Please don't ask - I don't know either. But I still felt compelled to share.

Drake

Okay, Fair Enough...

I apologize for the insinuated cynicism of my previous post. I was just pondering the fact that tomorrow was going to be Monday. (Well, actually it still is going to be Monday - No amount of harmful chemicals will change that fact.)

So as a "peace offering," I offer the following link to an old internet game that might be new to a few of you: Poke Alex in the Eye. You might want to try AutoPoke first to get the gist of it, and then try JavaPoke for some interactive fun. You will need to install the latest version of Shockwave for the PokePro and PokePlus. Have an enjoyable poke!

Time for bed... Goodnight, World!
Drake

4 Cigarettes, 2 Xanax, and a Few Shots of Johnnie Walker Red Label

Need I say more?

Ciao,
Drake

Happily Blind with 20/20 Vision

Here's an interesting (and possibly controversial) test hosted at Harvard's website: Implicit Association Test. The theory is that we subconsciously have prejudices and preferences, whether racial, age, gender, or some other category that divides us into groups.

Project Implicit, the creators of the Implicit Association Test (IAT), which is still either under revision or in the process of being confirmed from what I could tell from the website, is designed to determine those hidden preferences/prejudices that may unknowingly influence our daily thoughts and decisions. However, if you should decide to take the test, think critically about the results. If you are a white male and should score a higher preference percentage for European races, this does not mean your inner child is goose-stepping to "Deutschland Über Alles!" It may only mean that your culture, personal experience, and environment has influenced you to that preference.

Now for a personal aside...

With the exception of the Age IAT, I scored no preference for any of the other listed categories! What does this mean? Possibly, nothing. But it seems to confirm what I have always felt: With the exception of their behavior, I truly seem blind to other people's differences. In other words, I judge people on how they behave (rudeness, kindness, etc.) as opposed to their outer appearance. The only exception to that would be age preference, which makes sense to me since I've been around mostly older people throughout my life and that I date only significantly older women. (That's a whole other post!)

Contining with this thought for just a moment longer (I'm sure I've lost most of my audience by now anyway), I remember as a child, probably 4 years old or so, and playing with a group of children in a creepy place. I think it was either at a hospital or doctor's office, where they have a section of filthy toys for the patients' children to occupy themselves with. I recall playing with two girls who happened to be black. I didn't think anything about it at all - We were three children having fun in a dark, moody environment.

Suddenly, an older woman (probably only in her 20s back then but she seemed older to a 4 year old) told me, almost demanded me, to come over to her. So I obediently did as she said and left my two playmates behind. The woman took me aside and told me in a serious voice, "You shouldn't being playing with them. Those are niggers." HER words, NOT mine!

The stern woman left, and I looked back at the two little girls still playing away. One looked back at me, as if to wonder if I was about to resume playing with them. Somehow, I felt like I had done something bad, so I just sat in one of the stained blue chairs (Where the hell was I? I recall the whole place looking run down!), and waited for my mother to return.

I didn't know what a "nigger" was. The woman could have told me not to play with them because they were communists, Taoists, Norwegians... It would have been the same to me.

I told my mother about this incident years later, and she was furious! If I had told her about it back then, there would have been a serious confrontation between mother and whoever that strange, racist woman was. It would probably have shocked the racist stranger too; While I look white German-Irish, my mother definitely shows her Cherokee heritage!

I guess the point I am making with this recollection is that I seriously suspect racism, as well as many other -isms, are a result of cultural conditioning. We all use labels to separate each other: Caucasians, African-Americans, young, old, etc. If we could reboot the planet and start over with humans, would it turn out the same way? I don't know. Probably yes, maybe not...

Okay, now I am falling into rambling-mode. Always a good place to end a post! Just some food for thought and an excuse for me to post to my blog...

Best wishes to you, regardless of your label!
Drake :)