Diabetes, Anxiety, Cigarettes, Depression, and Pornography

Well, the doctor says I am as close to being diabetic as one can be without being fully diabetic. So I have to pretend that I am diabetic to stave off getting the full-blown disease.

Which means I probably shouldn't be eating this box of Russell Stover French Chocolate Mints. Oh well... I am now on a medication (up to 8 different pills now!) called "Glucophage XR." It was one of the medications my father was on. Nice to know my family is still helping to keep this pharmaceutical's stock up. At any rate, less alcohol and sweets and more exercising and salads in my future. Yes, I am laughing too...

I am also now on a generic form of Buspar (Buspirone), which is supposed to help with anxiety. It takes a while for it to build up in my system, so I am still taking Xanax. Together, they are knocking me off my ass - And I like it!!

As for cigarettes, for the smokers out there... What is your favorite brand and why? I am still looking to experiment with other brands. I have tried:

Doral Menthol Lights
(Okay to start out with, but I am not too fond of the aftertaste.)

Camel Lights
(I smoke these now - Sometimes they taste better than other times. Sometimes there is a very burnt-paper taste to them.)

Marlboro Lights
(I only tried two of these and they seemed pretty good.)

Winston
(I was pretty wasted when I tried these, so I cannot remember what they were like.)

Unify
(A pack of Unify is approximately 50 cents - Enough said? I couldn't even feel the smoke, much less taste it. I think these would be good for prop cigarettes for non-smoking actors in a play.)

And yes, to all you non-smoking, health-conscious intellectuals, I know smoking light cigarettes are no more safer than drinking a Diet Coke while eating a Big Mac will help one to lose weight. There - I beat you to it. Ha!

Now on to depression...
I had a sudden urge last night to write down various "flavors" of depression as I see them (And yes, many do overlap):

1. Self-Destructive: Rather obvious description. Either directly suicidal tendencies or just not taking very good care of one's self because of depression.

2. Withdrawing: The kind of depression I am in right now. Avoiding friends, co-workers, family. Sometimes even attempt to put a strain in a friendship in order to push him/her away. Solitude.

3. Showy: Hey, look everyone! I'm depressed! See how miserable I am?

4. Moping: Similiar to Withdrawing, but generally opposite to Showy. Lack of energy to really do much of anything else.

5. Self-Perpetuating: When depressed, why not listen to Pink Floyd's "The Wall," or maybe watch "Requiem for a Dream" over and over again?

6. Cerebral/Philosophical/Existential: I am a prisoner of life, and we are all on death row.

7. Nostalgic: Ah, the good old days. I wish I could go back to those wonderful days of yesteryear. Ironic how I have forgotten how I tried to commit suicide back then too.

8. Rebellous: Depression often confused as anger. (Some say depression is only anger turn inward. Of course, some would say that, wouldn't they?) Gee, why is quiet, sweet Johnny smoking, getting tattoos, and showing up to work reeking of Early Times?

9. Artistic/Creative: Why suffer personally when your fictional characters can do it for you? Besides, you can always kill yourself later and get a literary class designed after you (Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, etc.)

10. Mourning: Generally considered a normal form of depression. Loss of a loved-one, loss of a dream. My main brand of depression of 2005, so far.

11. Chemical-Imbalance: When the brain decides how you are going to feel, whether you like it or not. Work is great, family life is great, financially things are great, but an unending urge to jump from the 23rd floor of the Plaza Royale Hotel keeps taking center stage in your brain for some reason. I often suffer this depression too, minus the great job, great family life, and great finances.

12. Self-Disappointment: It's no one's fault but your own. You cannot live up to your own goals and dreams. If you could, you don't know how. Or other forms of depression keep throwing obstacles in your way.

Please, feel free to add your own flavors of depression to the list. Maybe we can send an email chain-letter around to counteract all of those happy, life-is-great ones our friends, family, and co-workers bombard us with.

As for pornography...

I just added that to the title to get more readers. Psyche!