What the hell am I doing??
Howdy.
Well, while in the process of reducing my Xanax, I've become a smoker!! How did THAT happen?
Luckily, it's more of a nervous habit as opposed to an addiction - At least, it is so far. While I CRAVE Xanax, I only use cigarettes when I'm either bored or feeling restless. I really don't desire them after the first two initial puffs. Most of the time, I can taste the burning paper - Not exactly delicious. But still...
Of course, the people and students at work (I work at a community college) treat me like a leper now. I kinda like that! I am a dichotomy - I am a "people pleaser" that occasionally likes to tick people off. Not really out to offend anyone, but I do find it funny when people suddenly become so indignant. It seems to be a mechanism that makes them suddenly feel superior, even if in only a temporary, superficial way, and they aren't even aware of it.
And of course, my irreverent attitude only makes it worse:
Person: Those things will kill you.
Me: You promise?? (Or: Damn! You mean I won't live forever now?)
Person: I've heard each cigarette takes 7 minutes off of your life?
Me: How many times does 7 minutes go into 4 decades?
Person: Do you smoke? (While I am smoking a cigarette in front of them.)
Me: No. The cigarette smokes while it burns; I just inhale it.
Person: Why are you smoking?
Me: Because heroin is illegal.
Person: Are you aware that smoking will shorten your life?
Me: Are you aware that nagging me about my smoking will shorten yours too?
And so on...
But really, I think this is just a passing thing. So far, I crave ice cream more than I do nicotine. In fact, I don't even feel like nicotine is doing anything to me. Maybe the Lexapro interferes with it like Wellbutrin does.
So that is my "sin" of the moment.
As for work... I hate that place, I hate the politics involved, I hate they way they crush people's motivation and incentive to work harder and better, and I would love to... Nevermind. I don't want to get Homeland Security paranoid.
Well, back to ingesting a cancer-causing product while listening to music on my Rio while watching the stars behind an overcast sky. Saw a few "shooting stars" last night - Beautiful!
Ciao for now!
Drake :)
Well, while in the process of reducing my Xanax, I've become a smoker!! How did THAT happen?
Luckily, it's more of a nervous habit as opposed to an addiction - At least, it is so far. While I CRAVE Xanax, I only use cigarettes when I'm either bored or feeling restless. I really don't desire them after the first two initial puffs. Most of the time, I can taste the burning paper - Not exactly delicious. But still...
Of course, the people and students at work (I work at a community college) treat me like a leper now. I kinda like that! I am a dichotomy - I am a "people pleaser" that occasionally likes to tick people off. Not really out to offend anyone, but I do find it funny when people suddenly become so indignant. It seems to be a mechanism that makes them suddenly feel superior, even if in only a temporary, superficial way, and they aren't even aware of it.
And of course, my irreverent attitude only makes it worse:
Person: Those things will kill you.
Me: You promise?? (Or: Damn! You mean I won't live forever now?)
Person: I've heard each cigarette takes 7 minutes off of your life?
Me: How many times does 7 minutes go into 4 decades?
Person: Do you smoke? (While I am smoking a cigarette in front of them.)
Me: No. The cigarette smokes while it burns; I just inhale it.
Person: Why are you smoking?
Me: Because heroin is illegal.
Person: Are you aware that smoking will shorten your life?
Me: Are you aware that nagging me about my smoking will shorten yours too?
And so on...
But really, I think this is just a passing thing. So far, I crave ice cream more than I do nicotine. In fact, I don't even feel like nicotine is doing anything to me. Maybe the Lexapro interferes with it like Wellbutrin does.
So that is my "sin" of the moment.
As for work... I hate that place, I hate the politics involved, I hate they way they crush people's motivation and incentive to work harder and better, and I would love to... Nevermind. I don't want to get Homeland Security paranoid.
Well, back to ingesting a cancer-causing product while listening to music on my Rio while watching the stars behind an overcast sky. Saw a few "shooting stars" last night - Beautiful!
Ciao for now!
Drake :)
posted by Drake at 9:12 PM
4 Comments:
Lexapro Rocks! Benzos Suck! (and has anyone ever told you that ciga...oh never mind) ;)
I happen to be a proud smoker. I find them to be a conversational aid and a boon while writing. Besides, who says not smoking means we'll live forever?
Hello Diana,
Actually, I like benzos... In fact, I like them a little TOO much. I can start and stop alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine at will. But Xanax... *sigh*
*sigh again*
Drake
Hey Bradley,
I have noticed that my writing does seem to improve since I started smoking. I remember reading somewhere that nicotine supposedly helps concentration.
I just think it's ironic when someone with a supersized fast food meal comments on the health hazards of smoking. Seems like a "pick-your-own-poison" sort of deal to me.
Take care!
Drake
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