Nervous Breakdowns, Existential Voids, and Other Vacation Packages
Hello again! And a special "hello" to all the friendly people who left comments - I plan to thank you individually when I'm more awake (ie. less Xanaxed for "nite-nite").
I just felt a little explanation was due regarding my minor momentary mental meltdowns. (Someday I might also explain the all in all illogical allure of alliteration.)
Obviously, it is normal to be extremely depressed and emotionally down when you lose someone you love. In my case, my father died earlier this year. I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent or a close loved-one, so I don't think the world is being unfair only to me.
Plus, statistically I should have had a happy life: My parents had a wonderful, loving marriage for 50 years, no drug and alcohol abuse in my family (well... At least not so far *cough, cough*), modest yet adequate living conditions throughout my life, great relationship with both my brother and sister, etc. Even with a couple "sensitive episodes" in my younger life (Hint: There's a reason why I only date much older women), I should not have reoccurring episodes of suicidal depression. At least, it would appear that way on paper.
However, my natural brain chemistry decided early on to play "little jokes" on me:
Neuron A: "Hey, let's withhold some serotonin from him today! I bet that'll make him cry! Ha ha!"
Neuron B: "Cool! While we're at it, let's hide all his happy memories and replace them with an overpowering urge to walk in front of a speeding bus!"
You get the picture...
I know there are people who have suffered and who are suffering MUCH, MUCH more than I have and hopefully ever will, but still my mind's emotional threshold and stability still affects me in many, not-so-heathly ways nonetheless. I don't blame society, my circumstances, or my parents for my emotional ills - Just my parents' genes! (Emotional/mental illness runs in both sides of the family - Even my brother and sister and my sister's children show signs.)
So please forgive me if it ever appears that I am excessively whining. Don't get me wrong - I probably AM excessively whining! I just apologize that it appears that way. :)
So, I combat my emotional turmoil with as much humor as I can muster (somedays that's nearly an impossible task), with proper medication and exercise (when I'm in "good boy mode"), or with slow-suicidal behaviors, such as increased drinking and restarting smoking (which luckily I can instantly quit both whenever I choose - Xanax, on the other hand... *cough, cough*), binge eating, and/or excessive sleeping when my "bad boy mode" takes dominance.
And now blogging has been added to the list of diversions, which is rather cool since I can do it regardless of which "mode" I'm in. That should help to keep my posts varied! :)
Well, just thought I would give you a little more insight into your pal Drake's noggin...
Thanks again for the comments! I will reply back tomorrow when I can keep everyone's blogger names straight in my mind.
But in the meantime, I offer you this gift of optical illusions I discovered today. Just don't get a migraine!
Best of wishes to all!
Drake
I just felt a little explanation was due regarding my minor momentary mental meltdowns. (Someday I might also explain the all in all illogical allure of alliteration.)
Obviously, it is normal to be extremely depressed and emotionally down when you lose someone you love. In my case, my father died earlier this year. I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent or a close loved-one, so I don't think the world is being unfair only to me.
Plus, statistically I should have had a happy life: My parents had a wonderful, loving marriage for 50 years, no drug and alcohol abuse in my family (well... At least not so far *cough, cough*), modest yet adequate living conditions throughout my life, great relationship with both my brother and sister, etc. Even with a couple "sensitive episodes" in my younger life (Hint: There's a reason why I only date much older women), I should not have reoccurring episodes of suicidal depression. At least, it would appear that way on paper.
However, my natural brain chemistry decided early on to play "little jokes" on me:
Neuron A: "Hey, let's withhold some serotonin from him today! I bet that'll make him cry! Ha ha!"
Neuron B: "Cool! While we're at it, let's hide all his happy memories and replace them with an overpowering urge to walk in front of a speeding bus!"
You get the picture...
I know there are people who have suffered and who are suffering MUCH, MUCH more than I have and hopefully ever will, but still my mind's emotional threshold and stability still affects me in many, not-so-heathly ways nonetheless. I don't blame society, my circumstances, or my parents for my emotional ills - Just my parents' genes! (Emotional/mental illness runs in both sides of the family - Even my brother and sister and my sister's children show signs.)
So please forgive me if it ever appears that I am excessively whining. Don't get me wrong - I probably AM excessively whining! I just apologize that it appears that way. :)
So, I combat my emotional turmoil with as much humor as I can muster (somedays that's nearly an impossible task), with proper medication and exercise (when I'm in "good boy mode"), or with slow-suicidal behaviors, such as increased drinking and restarting smoking (which luckily I can instantly quit both whenever I choose - Xanax, on the other hand... *cough, cough*), binge eating, and/or excessive sleeping when my "bad boy mode" takes dominance.
And now blogging has been added to the list of diversions, which is rather cool since I can do it regardless of which "mode" I'm in. That should help to keep my posts varied! :)
Well, just thought I would give you a little more insight into your pal Drake's noggin...
Thanks again for the comments! I will reply back tomorrow when I can keep everyone's blogger names straight in my mind.
But in the meantime, I offer you this gift of optical illusions I discovered today. Just don't get a migraine!
Best of wishes to all!
Drake
posted by Drake at 11:55 PM
3 Comments:
Hello again, Janey!
Thanks again for you comment. I know 90% (arbitrary percentage) of most blogs are self-indulgent and that I have a right to say whatever I want to say, but even I get tired and bored with my own whining! :)
Just wanted to give a little more insight to my mindset and my background with my post.
As far as how much older? Let's just say significantly older. ;)
I put a disclaimer on the top of may page that its for me, and if anyone likes it, I am glad, that way when I feel like apologizing for too-long posts I can remember what I am doing this for.
Also, pretending feelings arent there doesn't make them go away. But acknowledging and reflecting on feelings sometimes does. How bout that?
BTW thank you Janey and Drake for making the world a better place for Male may Female December pairings. Since women reach their sexual peak later it only makes sense. And I think older women, with all of their confidence and knowledge are seriously hot. :)
Hello Diana,
You are correct - Sometimes facing up to one's feelings and emotions does help. But sometimes I prefer denial too. Depends on my energy level at the time.
And I agree with your comment about older women. I've added a link to www.agelesslove.com, a support site for May-December relationships. I hope you find it interesting!
Best wishes,
Drake :)
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